Shell Shocked
by just.an.anon
Summary: Sora & Riku struggle to integrate back into a normal lifestyle home on the Destiny Islands. After years of war with Heartless, Nobodies, and each other, they now fight wars inside themselves.   -Post Traumatic Stress Disorder- HIATUS
1. Prelude

Sora & Riku struggle, and fail, to integrate back into a normal lifestyle on the Islands after years of war with the Heartless and each other. Sora-Riku Bromance/platonic male friendship.

**Disclaimer:** I own neither the Kingdom Hearts universe nor its characters.

**Rating:** M for gratuitous use of the F-bomb and a variety of other curse words, copious amounts of angst, and mature themes such as death. This is a smut-free fanfic.

"**Bromance:** Describes the complicated love and affection shared by two straight males. (or) A non-sexual relationship between two men that are unusually close. (or) A close relationship between two bros to such a point where they start to seem like a couple." –urbandictionary. com

* * *

A campfire on the mountainside crackled in the cool darkness, illuminating six sleeping figures wrapped in old blankets. The six figures, one could say, were the oddest assortment of comrades to ever trek the snowcapped mountains in the Land of Dragons. In fact, the group was so odd that two of the members were too miniscule to be seen, unless a bold observer were to rudely invade some personal space to catch a glimpse of them. These two tiny mountaineers, a cricket by the name of Jimminy and a miniature dragon called Mushu, we both comfortably nestled in the pockets of the only two humans of the group. Mushu with his charge Mulan, Jimminy with the young Keyblade Master Sora.

The last two members of this eclectic party, a duck named Donald and a dog named Goofy, were by far the strangest. Of course, who is strange and who is normal is all a matter of where you come from, where you have been, and who you have met. To the inhabitants of Disney World and the Disney Castle, Donald and Goofy were completely ordinary. To Sora, an experienced traveler of worlds, his pair of companions were fairly low on the list of weird things he'd seen since his departure from the Destiny Islands. It seemed the same could be said about the majority of the people the trio had encountered along their journey. Rarely were they given strange looks or asked questions about their appearance. Sora figured that once a person had seen a Heartless, nothing else could ever seem all that shocking.

The teenage islander rolled over in his bedding, unsuccessfully trying to find a more comfortable position without jostling Jimminy too badly. An inconveniently placed rock jabbed his ribcage, and Sora grumbled as he sat up to massage the spot where there would most definitely be a bruise in the morning. He _swore_ it hadn't been there when he laid out his blanket at sundown. He must have kicked the rock at some point, and it had crawled under him in his sleep to seek revenge on the rock-kicking human. Well, he'd show that little bastard of a rock. In a childish, but oh-so satisfying gesture, Sora reached under the blanket, grabbed the offending rock, and chucked it into the nearby forest of bamboo.

Satisfied that the grudge-holding rock was now far away enough to not magically make its way back under his bedding, the brunette flopped back down to resume his dream. Where had he been before the rude wakeup call? Oh, right; Kairi was brandishing a florescent pink bird-putter from Wonderland while chasing Riku, who was riding on Dumbo the elepahnt as Sora, Leon, and the Beast dressed in a tuxedo watched from plastic folding lawn chairs. Sora vaguely wondered what strange food he had eaten to bring on such a bizarre dream, when a sound from the bamboo thicket made him bolt back up to a sitting position.

For a brief, groggy and exhaustion induced moment, Sora feared that the rock was coming back. Or worse even, that it was bringing friends. Oh god…what—what if it had been a _baby_ rock? And now…now it was bringing its mama boulder to crush Sora for not only kicking her baby, but throwing it into a bunch of bamboo? However, Sora quickly realized this was ridiculous; rocks weren't _born_, so the baby rock definitely couldn't have a giant boulder mother. Duh.

But if the sound hadn't been made by a giant boulder coming for vengeance, what—

_Thwack!_

The Heartless had come out of nowhere. Well, Sora corrected himself, they had come from the Darkness, which was pretty much as good as nowhere, but for some reason he couldn't help but be as accurate as possible. Anything, _anything_ to keep his mind off the pain that was throbbing in his now broken arm. He thrown it up to defend himself after the split second he had realized what was coming, no time to get a good swing in with his Keyblade.

The commotion, or maybe the Sora's sharp howl of pain, woke the others and a battle quickly ensued. Donald almost instantly cast a healing spell on the Keyblade wielder, and Sora felt the now all-too familiar sensation of shattered bone being rapidly healed by magic. God, Sora loved magic. How had he lived without it on the Destiny Islands? He reached into one of the large pockets on his shorts, extracted a bottle of either, and tossed it to Donald as he shouted his name. The duck caught it with ease while never taking an eye off his multiple opponents, yanked the cork stopper out with his yellow bill, and downed the magic restoring ether in one fluid motion. This well executed maneuver was an extraordinary display of the advanced level of synchronization Sora, Donald and Goofy had reached during their travels. Without their teamwork and support, the trio never would have made it past Traverse Town all those years ago.

But the teamwork didn't seem to be getting the job done in this particular fight. Sora couldn't remember the last time he had seen this many Heartless appear so fast or fight so relentlessly. Mulan and Mushu were down for the count, Sora had run out of potions and ethers, and his Disney comrades were just barely still on their feet. The Keyblade wielder didn't have enough magic or energy to enter any of his other enhanced forms. If he didn't do something fast, everything was going to end right here. Sora, the savior of worlds and hero of the Light, defeated on some nameless mountain by a hoard of mindless Heartless; it was a pitiful way to draw their epic journey to an end.

"Shit shit _shit_," Sora breathed as his head whirled around to take in the overwhelming number of Heartless closing in. He rarely swore in the presence of Donald and Goofy, but the situation was now dire. He wasn't going to let his friends die here. He wasn't going to let his friends on other worlds down by losing now. He was the Keyblade Master, the key to the salvation of the worlds, the one person everyone and everything was depending on. He was tool without which the job couldn't be done. Lose the key and the door will never be locked. He _couldn't_…he wasn't _allowed_…he didn't have _the right_ to die yet.

With that realization weighing heavy on his mind, Sora readjusted his grip on the Keyblade and made to step forward toward the impossibly large mass of Heartless when something grasped his arm. It wasn't Donald's feather hand or Goofy's gloved paw, and Sora's heart jumped to his throat as he turned to attack whatever was still firmly had a hold on him. He raised Oblivion and—

"_Sor__a!_"

He was sitting upright, shirtless and drenched in sweat, chest heaving like he had just run a race. His knuckles where white with the force of his grip on Oblivion, and his legs were tangled in his sky blue bed sheets. His eyes, wild with fear, darted around what took him a moment to realize was his bedroom. From under his mess of bed-ruffled hair, Sora spotted his mother up against the opposite wall, her small hands over his mouth as if to hold back a scream.

She looked completely terrified. Horrified and petrified, even. Any of the above, Sora didn't care. Not even Ansem, the man with most sophisticated vocabulary Sora had ever met, could have described the look upon his mother's face after her own son, her _baby_, had nearly sliced her in two as she tried to wake him up to come eat breakfast. The most dreadful silence Sora had ever endured was finally broken when he dropped Oblivion to the floor and managed to string just a few words together in his mind to form some sort of coherent sentence.

"_Mom_," he gasped, still out of breath. "Mom, I'm sor—"

"It's alright," his mother replied, a little too quickly, a little too unsteady. Sora knew that _no_, it was not alright. It would never be alright. There was no way,not in Hell or Hades, that it could be alright. He may not have hit her and the swing may have been so sloppy it wouldn't have killed her if he did, but nevertheless, he _had_ swung. At his own mother. Not a heartless, not a Nobody, _Mom_.

Not knowing what to say or do, Sora collapsed back onto the bed. A shaky hand found its way to his face, hiding it from his mother. Or from the world in general, Sora didn't really know. He didn't care, he just didn't want to be seen like this.

It had been four months since he had saved the universe for the second time and come home.

It had been a month since the last time he felt sane.

Sora, savior of worlds, was a complete wreck.


	2. Skateboards & Frustrations

"**Shell shock:** The World War I name for what is known today as post-traumatic stress, this is a psychological disorder that develops in some individuals who have had major traumatic experiences (and, for example, have been in a serious accident or through a war). The person is typically numb at first but later has symptoms including depression, excessive irritability, guilt (for having survived while others died), recurrent nightmares, flashbacks to the traumatic scene, and overreactions to sudden noises."

**Author's Note:** For this fanfiction, I've extended the time line of KH 1 & 2. If KH 1 took 2 years, then Sora slept for a year after Chain of Memories, and KH 2 took 2 years, that makes Sora 18 and Riku 19. Or something like that. Roll with me.

_**Shell Shock**_**, Chapter 1**

"**Skateboards & Frustrations"**

Riku woke to the sound of his mother's timid knock on his bedroom door frame. He'd really wish she'd stop doing that. Not the knocking, that was fine. It's totally acceptable way to announce one's entrance into their child's room. But the hardly-knocking-because-she's-scared-shitless-of-her-son-now knocking that she was doing now? That had started to tick Riku off about a month after he had come back to the Islands to live with his parents. He understood, though; he'd be scared of him, too. In fact, he was. Riku was also fairly sure that the majority of Destiny Island's inhabitants were, as well. He was a hero, no doubt, and heroes deserved praise. But Riku, unlike Sora, was the hero of Darkness. And just about everybody is afraid of the dark, no matter what they might say.

He'd get over it eventually, he told himself. But for now…

"Yeah, mom?" he groaned as he rolled over to face his mother in the doorway. It had been a rough night, and he could tell he looked it by the expression plastered on his mother's face.

"Sora's mother called," she said, rather quickly. "She needs you to come over, now."

Riku shot up instantly, and without even waiting for his mother to leave the room, threw the covers off himself to get to his feet. He didn't mind if she saw him in his boxers, she was his mother for God's sake. Not that she had been acting the part as of late, but Riku dismissed that thought. Sora needed him, and that was all that really mattered at the moment. He ran some fingers through his messy ashen hair as he limped over to his closet to get dressed.

That's right, limped. Riku never just _walked _anywhere these days. Whatever Xemnas had done in their final battle was irreversible, and his left leg was permanently lame. Neither King Mickey's magic nor the doctors at the Islands' hospital had been able to fix Riku's damaged limb. It hurt to walk on, there was no denying that. But Riku swore he'd never complain or bitch about it; the battered teen considered it a pretty befitting punishment for all the mayhem and tears he had caused since he was 15. The doctors seemed to understand when he refused painkillers. Riku had a history of an addictive personality. He was fairly confident that next to the Darkness, drugs were the last thing that he needed to get hooked on.

Some jeans and a shirt quickly found their way onto Riku and he made for the hallway, leaving his cane resting against the dresser. He didn't always need it, just on particularly bad days. Despite the not so great night of sleep, the adrenaline gave a boost to his awkward half-limping half-walking gate, and he hastily made his way out of his parents' house and into the street. He'd regret walking on it so fast later, but right now all that mattered was getting to his best friend.

A hurried and painful five minutes later, Riku found himself on the creaking front porch of Sora's family home. He didn't bother knocking and entered into the small front room that served both as a living room and kitchen. Riku spotted Sora's mother, and his stomach turned at the state she seemed to be in.

Her elbows rested on the tiny round table in the kitchen, hands covering her face. A few discarded tissues lay balled up across the table. At the sound of Riku shuffling toward her, the brown haired woman dropped a hand with a sad little _plop_ on the table while one remained on her forehead.

"He's in his room," she croaked, running a hand through her hair. For just a moment, Riku caught a glimpse of her eyes. Those brilliant blue eyes that Sora had inherited were so full of pain, so full of grief. He wanted to sit down across from her. He wanted to ask her what was wrong. He wanted to console her, help her, do _anything_ for her. She was Sora's mother, the woman who shared his eyes and brought him into this world; for that alone she deserved any help Riku could provide.

But Sora's mother simply waved him away as he came closer, motioning toward the set of stairs down the hall. Sora's room was on the second floor, which really was more of an attic converted to a room when Sora became too big to sleep in a crib in his mother's room. Sora had always bragged about his attic-room when they had been kids. The majority of the buildings on the Destiny Islands were one story due to the fact that they were easier to maintain during the tropical storm season. Sora claimed his room was cooler than having a bedroom on the first floor like every other kid on the island. That, and a faulty air conditioning unit kept the attic several degrees colder than the rest of the small house, making Sora's room the ideal hangout during the hottest of the summer days on the Islands.

Riku was going to go in whether or not Sora invited him to, so knocking seemed rather pointless. He pushed open Sora's bedroom door, which was so small the tall youth had to duck to enter through it. Riku instantly felt a change in the temperature, his best friend's room a veritable icebox compared to the island heat outside. It reminded him of the mountains in the Land of Dragons, Riku's least favorite of all the worlds he had visited; having been raised an islander, Riku detested trekking through the frigid snow on that frozen, godforsaken mountainside.

Sora sat, elbows on knees and face in palms, on his bed. As Riku inched toward his best friend, the brunette dropped one hand to hang limply off his knee while the other stayed plastered to his forehead.

"_Man _Sora," Riku couldn't help but laugh. Sora had his mothers eyes _and_ her mannerisms. "Do you have any idea how much you're like your mom?"

"Is she crying?" came Sora's weak response.

"Yeah," Riku said as he plopped down next to the younger teen. "What happened, Sora?"

Once again, both hands found their way back to Sora's face, the heels of his palms pressed against his forehead as his fingers curled in his hair. It made him look as if he were about to crack, just teetering on the verge of insanity. Riku noted, with a frown, that this didn't suit Sora at all. If only Donald and Goofy were here; they'd wave a scolding finger as they told him "no frowning!" and get him to smile again. Riku wasn't so good at the cheering-up game. He was, however, reigning champion of the piss-people-off game. That skill, unfortunately, was not going to help in the present situation.

"I know how to skateboard," was Sora's silence breaking comment.

Riku, the epitome of coolness and poster child of stoicism, looked over at his best friend beside him with a look of utter disbelief plastered to his face. Of all the things that could be bothering Sora, of all the thoughts that could be swimming in his brain, he chose skateboarding as the topic of discussion. Riku was fairly confident Sora's sudden enthusiasm for sports was not the reason his mother was downstairs drowning in a sea of used tissues.

"Where'd you learn to do that?" the silver haired teen asked, hoping there was some relevance in Sora's odd confession. "You never had one on the islands when we were kids."

"I've never stepped foot on one," Sora laughed an awful, strained laugh that made Riku's skin crawl. "But I can grind rails, I can do a kick-flip, I can Ollie…"

"Sora, what the hell is an Ollie?"

"I dunno, I just know how to do one."

"You're not making sense. At all."

"I love skateboarding though, man. Hayner and I would skateboard together all the time…Pence and Olette used longboards, though. They weren't really into doing tricks."

"…Don't you mean _Roxas_ loved skateboarding?"

"No, Riku, I mean _me._ Roxas was me, is me. Just a piece of me, though. I didn't know I was just a piece…And when I came back together again I didn't even _know_ I had. But now…now that I'm not distracted…now that I have time to actually think, I can remember."

"Wait…you remember being Roxas?"

"It's been coming back. You know, since we came home? I just have so much time to do nothing, that I just think. And when I think about the past, I don't just remember what happened to _this_ body. To this piece of me. I remember how to skateboard. I remember winning the struggle tournament, and that stupid school report. I remember the organization, and how flipping comfortable that coat was. I remember Xigbar, Demyx and…_Axel_."

"God Riku…I watched him _die_. I didn't know what he meant to me, and I just watched him die for the _other_ me. I miss him so much, Riku! He was my best friend. But…_you're_ my best friend! This is so confusing…Xion was just a bad copy of me, but I absorbed her…absorbed me. How does that even...even make sense? I've been three people, but I'm just one person. I've had three lives and a fake, computer generated one. It's just stupid! And this life now…it's not even real anymore. I mean, can you believe they're sending us back to _school_? What the hell does school matter? We saved the entire fucking universe, and they're concerned that I don't know my goddamn times tables!"

By this point, Sora was pacing the small floor. He looked mad. Riku didn't blame him. Months worth of accumulated, bottled up feelings were pouring out of Sora's mouth like muddy water breaking through a dam in a flash flood.

"I can't function here, Riku! It's too calm, it's too normal, it's too safe. Nobody here knows what really happened. Fuck, they didn't even remember the Islands disappeared until we came home. I spent years afraid to go to sleep because a Heartless might come by in the middle of the night and have my heart as a late night snack, and now I get to sleep in my safe little room every fucking night."

"And my mom…oh god, _my mom_. First she thinks I'm dead for 5 years, and then when I finally come home, I try to kill her in my sleep. She doesn't deserve a runaway, nutcase son, Riku. I don't know what to say to her. 'Oh sorry, mother, I thought you were a soulless monster from the Dark trying to rip out my heart. My bad!' Yeah, fuck no."

Sora returned to his seat on the side of the bed next to Riku, his hands automatically finding their way back to his forehead. In this strange quiet after the storm, the former champion of the Dark tried to wade through the mental debris of Sora's outburst and come up with some sort of consoling response.

"I've never heard you say 'fuck' so many times in my entire life," was what ended up escaping from Riku's mouth.

Not quite the soothing comment he was searching for, but it got a chuckle out of Sora.

"Yeah me neither," Sora mumbled. "Donald and Goofy probably would have had heart attacks."

Riku let out a bark of a laugh, the image of a horrified duck and dog standing with their mouths agape at the torrent of foul language rolling off Sora's tongue.

"They probably would."

"I miss them, Riku. I mean, I lived with them for years. We fought together...That one time I thought Goofy died, God, it was one of the worst moments of my life. They're like older brothers to me. And now they're gone. I mean, I understand why they had to go back to Disney Castle, but to just leave me here..."

"Hey, I get it Sora. The King and I were partners. He understood why I accepted the Darkness and stuck with me for three years. I mean sure, every once in a while we would go our separate ways for a few days or a week, but we would always meet back up. Its weird to not have him around anymore when he and Ansem were literally the only two people I talked for for years. I miss him, too." And then, almost as an afterthought he added; "He wasn't scared of me."

Riku's comment made Sora blanch. Their return to normal life on the island had been massively awkward, but more so for Riku than Sora. Somehow, people could just tell Riku used to be involved with Darkness. Sora himself could still feel traces of Darkness emanating from Riku whenever he was near, but it hardly bothered the young keyblade master. He supposed that to the islanders who had spent their entire lives in the Realm of Light, Darkness was as foreign as snow on the Destiny Islands. Sora, despite having a heart filled with massive amounts of Light, had spent the majority of the past 5 years surrounded by Darkness, it mainly in the form of Heartless. It was a presence he had grown quite accustomed to, so much so that he actually felt more comfortable when Riku and his strange Darkness residue were around.

The islanders, however, did not feel the same. Sora had learned during that final day of war with Xemnas that Darkness was not something to fear. Rather, it was a necessary force to balance with the Light. Unfortunately, the islanders had not learned this invaluable lesson for themselves, and honestly Sora was not surprised. It had taken him five years of continuous battles and journeys through many different worlds to learn that.

And so, they were treated differently. Riku, because he felt like Darkness, and Sora because he was his best friend. Surely there was something wrong with anyone who would voluntarily keep themselves in close proximity to something Dark. Not only that, but their return had thrown the island inhabitants for a loop; one week, the two boys hadn't existed, and the next everyone suddenly remembered them. It was a bizarre phenomenon, and most people did not do well with bizarre.

Kairi had spent a considerable amount of time with both Sora and Riku since their return, but she was not subjected to the same type of avoidance as the two boys. Once Kairi's heart had been returned and she was sent back to the islands, her memories of her past ordeal were lost, and she integrated back into island life as if nothing had happened. The rest of the islanders saw her as normal, as one of them. She hadn't been gone like the other two had. Sora believed that it was the consensus of the locals that Kairi only hung out with he and Riku out of the kindness of her heart...that she had taken pity on the two shunned lost-boys-returned-home because she had once been their friend. Sora and Riku understood, though, that this was not the case. Kairi truly was their friend.

However, the bond they once shared did not seem as strong as it used to now that they were all back together again. Kairi, for the past three years, had lived a normal, safe life on the Destiny Islands. Not only that, but Kairi had been unconscious for the majority of their first great adventure against Xehanort's heartless "Ansem". So although Sora and Riku considered Kairi a vital part of their keyblade wielder trio, she had not experienced the same kind of things they had. Not even close. It was because of this that Sora and Riku began to grow even closer.

"...Riku, you're not sca-"

"Don't try to sugar coat it, Sora," Riku cut Sora off quickly. "I know Donald beat it into your skull to be an optimist, but sometimes you've just got to face the facts. Everyone is scared of me, even my own mother. The limp doesn't help, either. It makes me stand out, draws even more attention to myself."

"It doesn't matter what they think."

"No, it doesn't. But that doesn't make it hurt any less when you're walking down the sidewalk and people give you a wide birth like you might stab them if they walk too close."

They sat quietly for a moment, awkward and still, until Riku pieced the silence with a sad chuckle.

"Geez, I came to comfort you and here I am looking for sympathy myself. Some friend, huh?"

"I'm not the only one who feels a little lost right now, Riku. It just feels like..."

"Like we don't belong here?" Riku finished this friend's thought.

"...Yeah. Exactly."

"Lets go out to the play island."

"Riku, its Monday."

"So?" Riku obviously failed to see the problem. Sora smirked; his older friend was worse at integrating back into 'normal' life than he was.

"Y'see, there's this awful thing called 'school' that they're forcing us to go to five days out of the week now that we're not out saving the universe. Monday happens to be one of those five days."

Embarrassed realization hit Riku like a charging Large Body Heartless. His nose wrinkled in annoyance as the thought briefly, then huffed out his response. "Screw school today, Sora. I don't care if I don't know the periodic table of elements; I can use magic now, so why do I need science? Lets go to the play island."

"Why, though?" Sora didn't protest about skipping school. He had, after all, skipped 5 years of it. What was one more day? He hated it, anyway. He and Riku were treated like children. Well, Sora supposed, they were pretty much children in terms of academic education. The Islands had dissolved in the middle of summer vacation right after their 8th grade year. Although Riku was a year older, his birthday was just a few days below the cut off date for the age limit for their class. He had easily been the oldest, tallest, and most intelligent kid in their grade and had complained constantly about being "in the wrong grade".

But now that the two were back, and had a gap the size of canyon at Hollow Bastion in their education, even Riku was seriously behind his peers academically. Sora and Riku's eyes just about fell out of their sockets when they saw the math problems written on the board. They had seen their fair share of terrifying things in their travels, but nothing as scary as those long, complicated problems. Since when did math involve so many weird symbols and letters? The duo may have known more about other worlds than anyone else on this particular one, but their knowledge of their home world's geography and history was limited to whatever they had learned up until 8th grade.

Sora and Riku's distance from what they should know and what they did know was extreme. To rectify this, the school staff had formulated a personalized schedule for the two keyblade wielders. They ate with the class that they would have been in had they not left, but Sora and Riku did not attend classes with them. Instead, they sat in on the lower grade's classes and were given private tutoring.

It was humiliating. Here they were, 18 and 19 years old, and they were in class with a bunch of Freshman and Sophomores and given special help. Riku was old enough to be in college, and he was beyond mortified. Never had either of the two felt so demeaned, and each day that they walked towards the school building, both agreed they would rather fight Xemnas again than walk through those front doors to Hell on Earth. Sora wanted to skip school every day, but hadn't once yet. He decided to take Riku up on his offer, and stood to signal he was ready to go. Riku grinned and finally answered his friend's question.

"You'll see when we get there."


	3. Keyblades & Confessions

**READ THIS. OR YOU'LL BE CONFUSED.**

**I hate long authors notes but people are a tad confused, so here you go:**

This story is **in medias res** and is **non-linear**. Meaning, the story begins "in the middle of things", and the story telling does not take place in chronological order. Why? Because that's my favorite type of storytelling. I love being dropped into the middle of a story where things are already happening, and having to learn things through **flashbacks**. It is much funner to write, but requires more effort on the part of the reader to understand. Sora and Riku are about to do some serious reminiscing about the past four months that's they've been back on the island. They'll either be lengthy, near chapter-long **flashbacks** or quick spinets of memory conveyed to you through narration. I'm not going to scream "**FLASHBACK**!" at you, but may be some small indication like a break as to when a **flashback** is starting and ending. I have faith in you, as a reader, to be able to pick up on what is a **flashback** and what is the present. It should be fairly obvious, anyway. Thanks for reading and enjoy.

**ALSO**, the story is told from several different characters' prospective. Why? More information, more points of view, more entertainment.

_**Shell Shock**_**, Chapter 2**

"**Keyblades & Confessions"**

(Hey, did you read that super long authors note? No? Go back up at read it!)

"So why are we here? I don't-what the hell?"

Riku, now clutching his Way to Dawn keyblade, had just took a swing at an unsuspecting Sora.

"C'mon, fight me."

"What the hell are you doing Riku?"

"What feels right. Now, summon your goddamn keyblade!"

Sora did as he was told. Subconsciously he summoned Ultima. When he saw the bright, ornate keyblade in his hand, a shiver ran up his spine and he wasn't sure why.

"Y'feel it?" Riku asked, suddenly much more calm. He gave Sora a meaningful look before lunging at him with a raised keyblade. Sora blocked and recoiled back several feet. Riku was coming in for another attack, and Sora's body executed a counterattack without first consulting his mind if it was okay to attack a friend or not. Riku staggered backwards with the force of the counterattack. His free hand dropped to the knee of his lame leg for a moment, massaging it briefly before he looked back up at Sora with a grin so big it rivaled that of the Cheshire Cat's.

And suddenly it hit Sora. Riku's brief words replayed in his head; "Y'feel it?" Yes, Sora did feel it.

He felt like himself.

The adrenaline surged through his veins as he tightened his grip on Ultima. God, this felt good. This felt right. This...this feeling of the raw need to survive. It was something he used to feel constantly when all that was important in life was beating the bad guy and surviving. Nothing else right now mattered; missing school, what people thought of him, the void in his heart left by Donald and Goofy's departure, making his mother cry...it was all irrelevant. This moment was about survival, and it was all he could think about. He knew it was irresponsible to want to forget everything else, but this was his only means of escape. This adrenaline was like a drug that he hadn't had a hit of in months. He craved it, needed it. He laughed to himself when the phrase "adrenaline junkie" crossed his mind. He supposed he was one, though not in the stereotypical extreme sports way. He didn't care, though. This felt...amazing, free, right, _normal_.

He lunged at Riku.

Their battle was, in Sora's opinion, beautiful. To any onlooker, it may have looked like all hell bad broken loose and the play island had been consumed by a torrent of chaos and wild elements. Bolts of lightening shot down from the heavens, plumes of flame shot into the sky, small glaciers appeared on an island that had never once seen ice before. The two keyblade masters threw Thundagas, Firagas and Blizzagas at each other until their magic reserves were completely depleted. Neither boy had ethers on their person, nor did they have their packs of potions. They had both put their equipment away (save for their keyblades, since those were summoned items) once they had returned home. What was the point of keeping it on them? There was nobody to fight anymore.

But neither combatant minded as the fight became nothing but swordsmanship. The pure physicality of the fight made it all the more invigorating. When Riku's blade would make contact with Sora, he felt the pain and it didn't go away. Donald and Goofy weren't around to heal him, and his potion bags that he kept fastened to his thighs for years were absent, stuffed in his closet under a mountain of dirty clothes. It made the situation feel more dire, and the survival instinct kicked up a notch as well as the adrenaline. Despite being physically wounded, this was the best Sora had felt since he returned home.

And while Sora's mind was registering his own injuries, he was scoping out Riku's as well. He was amazed at how he moved so fluidly after having been out of practice for so long. But...what about his leg? How was he moving so well? Wasn't he in pain? The thought made Sora recoil several yards to momentarily stop the fight.

"Riku, your leg-"

"-hurts like a bitch, but I'm having fun so don't stop."

"Potions will heal whatever I do to you with the keyblade, but your leg is gona hurt even after you drink one. We should stop."

At this, Riku actually looked...angry. He charged at Sora with a snarl on his lips. After a few blows were exchanged with Riku on a vicious offensive and Sora on a reluctant defensive, the Champion of the Darkness paused.

"Don't fucking treat me like a gimp, Sora! Unlike you, I fought alone most of the time. I didn't have a friend to cast Cure on me or throw me a potion. I can fight just fine like this!"

He wasn't lying. It was as if Riku didn't have a handicap. No, he did _not_ have one, he was _not_ handicapped. He refused to be seen as such, so Sora refused to use that word when thinking of his best friend. Sora was amazed at how easily he could just ignore the pain and fight on it as if it weren't damaged at all. They continued to fight, neither wanting to end the euphoria they had both found after months of the torturous calm that was the Destiny Islands. But since both lacked potions and Cure magic, they eventually had to succumb to their fatigue and injuries. The two collapsed after an unvocalized, mutual agreement to end the battle.

The sudden armistice had left them on the beach just where water met sand, and they wilted to the ground to lay in the sand. Both teens had been wearing flip flops, but those had quickly been lost at the beginning of the fight. The waves lapped at their bare feet, and Sora stared up at the sky. It was quickly turning red, and he was sure that if he tilted his head down just so, he would see the sun dipping into the ocean. But he was too tired, too sore to move his head, so Sora continued to gaze lazily up at his crimson namesake.

It reminded him of Twilight Town, aptly named for the sky that looked oh-so similar to this one Sora was looking at now. The sunsets of his other seaside home were famous. They seemed to magically drag out longer than anywhere else in the world, drawing in tourists from all walks of life. He remembered the twinge of smug satisfaction whenever he saw a lost tourist. "Tourons" the locals called them; tourist morons. The tourons would get lost in the labyrinth that was Twilight Town's pedestrian walkways that wound up and down the hillside, and Roxas and his friends would get a kick out of seeing the same family of out-of-towners pass by the Usual Spot several times with an unfolded "Twilight Town Tourism Information" pamphlet.

Eventually, the foursome would take pity on the poor lost tourons and direct them to the best sunset viewing areas, show them on the map how to get down to the beach, or explain the trolly system and routes. Virtually everyone who actually lived in Twilight Town was in some way, shape, or form involved in the town's tourism industry. Roxas' dad owned a beach equipment rental shop where tourists would pay to use the shop's beach bikes, umbrellas, beach chairs, surf and boogie boards and all the other beach "necessities" that vacationers were too lazy to pack themselves. His mother worked at an ocean view restaurant that was listed in the aforementioned pamphlet as "Twilight Town's Most Romantic Dinner Experience".

Hayner, Pence, and Olettle's parents all catered to tourists as well, as did the majority of the parents of Roxas' classmates. Tourists were the lifeblood of the town, no matter how annoying and moronic they were. Roxas knew that once he was older, he too would join the town's tourism industry workforce. He may not have been receiving a paycheck for helping lost tourists right now, but there was an unwritten law in Twilight Town regarding tourists; if you keep them happy and show them a good time, they'll come back again next year with their wallets and maybe bring their friends and _their_ wallets. Local kids were taught at an early age to be courteous to the out-of-towners, because it was due to their patronage that their parents were able to bring home the bacon.

The tourists that came to Twilight Town were wealthy, but Roxas never envied them. They came from cold, dirty, ugly places. Sure, Twilight Town was fairly urban, but it was built with a beautiful, cozy, coastal town architecture and the locals were great, friendly people. Roxas considered himself extremely lucky to have been born and raised in such a fantastic town.

And as this thought, this _memory_, floated through Sora's head, his brows furrowed and his jaw clenched. That had not been real. None of that was real. He had never grown up in Twilight Town. He never helped lost tourons understand the trolley system. He never hung out with his three laid back friends in the alley way they had claimed as their own. It was nothing but a distorted, rehashed version of his childhood on the Destiny Islands. It was here, on _these_ islands, that he grew up and had the importance of hospitality drilled into his head by his mother and the townspeople. It was here that he, Riku, Kairi, or whoever else he was hanging out with like Tidus or Wakka, laughed at lost tourists before eventually helping them find their way to the correct island. After all, the Destiny Islands were really a collection of small, clustered together islands connected by bridges, and finding the right bridge to the right place was fairly challenging for anyone not a local. And it was here that his mother worked as one of the managers at the local hotspot, romantic eatery.

The dad owning a rental shop must have been Namine's own creation. Sora had grown up without a father. Even still, after 18 years of having no paternal figure in his life (well, _this_ life), Sora still wasn't sure how he felt about it. Apparently, his father had been a good man. At least, that's what all the other islanders said whenever the subject came up. They described him as a hardworking, optimistic man who was constantly teased for loving the ocean almost more than his wife and son. And maybe he did, since it was the ocean he was with when he died rather than his family.

He would take vacationers on boat tours out to the reef, and after his day's work was over he would take a boat and go back out and enjoy simply floating in the ocean alone in his boat without the noisy tourons. It was during one of these relaxing after-work voyages that a vicious storm developed so quickly, nobody on the island had seen it coming—including Sora's father. His body washed up on shore a few days later, and a 4 year old Sora and his mother burred him on a sunny Tuesday afternoon. When Sora's mother told her son about the funeral when he was old enough to be curious about his missing dad, she laughed bitterly as she said that "you would think after it killed him, the weather would at least have the decency to be gloomy to match the occasion."

Despite his mother's morose joke, Sora sort of liked the idea of his dad being burred on a sunny day. From what people told him, his father was a happy guy with a good sense of humor. Not only that, but he, like Sora, had been born and raised an islander. Good weather and a bright sky seemed to be a fitting tribute to a dead, ocean loving islander who had lived a good, albeit short, life. And although Sora didn't plan on dying like his father or as soon, he secretly hoped that he too would be laid to rest on a day when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing the palms, and the gulls are calling...just like any other day.

Sora's feelings of his virtual father were mixed. Half of him wished Namine wouldn't have created him and that Roxas, too, would have been dad-less. And yet, the other half was glad to have finally known what it was like to grow up with a dad. He just had to ignore the fact that it hadn't been real. It had felt real, though. His dad coming home from work, joking with his mother about tourons and asking Roxas how his day at school was. His dad buying him his first skateboard. His dad clapping him on the back for getting an A on his history test.

His dad, who never existed and yet still felt so very real. Sora decided to save that conundrum for another time. Although he now remembered the majority of both Roxas' real life and his virtual one, he wasn't quite ready to sort all of it out. He was stressed beyond reason just having to accept the fact that he was one person, and yet three.

Thoughts of his life as Roxas always brought Sora to thoughts of someone else entirely, someone he hardly knew.

Ansem the Wise. Or as Riku refereed to him, DiZ; "Darkness in Zero"

The man had been an enigma to Sora. Ansem had had such an impact on not only history and the fate of the universe, but on Sora's own life. Sora had only truly met the man moments before his death, and it had left him with an uncomfortable feeling to know so little about what he knew was such an important man. As the two worn out keyblade wielders continued to lay on the beach without a sound, Sora's mind drifted back to two months ago, when he had finally learned more about Ansem the Wise.

* * *

Sora and Riku had been sitting on the porch of Riku's parent's house attempting to do their homework. On the round patio table situated between the old wicker chairs they sat in, they had their textbooks and folders open. The pages of the thick texts lazily threatened to flip in the soft breeze, but neither boy did anything to hold their places in the books. They were both otherwise occupied. Riku was idly scratching his mother's old black and white cat under the chin, a soft smile gracing his face as he watched the cat's tail flick back and forth in content. Sora's feet were propped up on the porch railing, and he stared at his sandals blankly as he chewed on the end of his mechanical pencil. He had been gnawing away at the little clip on the eraser end for quite some time, and he finally heard it break off from the rest of the pencil with a sharp snap. Disgruntled, he spit the broken clip out of his mouth, over the railing, and into the small garden bordering the front of the porch.

"Attractive, Sora," Riku mused, glancing up from the cat only for a moment to give his friend a funny look.

"Mnn," was Sora's distracted response. He knew it was gross—and probably horrible for his teeth—but the young man simply couldn't stop chewing on his plastic writing utensil. If he put it down, he would only find something else equally annoying to do; drum his fingers on the table, bounce his leg rapidly, bite on his nails or find something else to fidget with. He had not been that restless when he was younger, had he?

"Riku, I'm confused," he said abruptly.

"That's a shocker," Riku responded without missing a beat.

"Har har, jerk," Sora grumbled. He had asked for that, hadn't he? Sora reminded himself that he needed to keep in mind that Riku would take advantage of any setup, not matter _how_ small, for one of his trademark sarcastic remarks. Not that he _really_ minded. Riku and sarcasm; they were synonyms.

"What are you confused about?" Riku said, his voice now devoid of humor. "If it's our math homework, don't even think about asking me, because I have no idea. We're going to have to call Kairi over to help us or something..."

"No, its not about school. Can I ask you something about DiZ?"

Riku stopped scratching the cat and leaned back in his seat. The woven wicker strands of the chair creaked as the older boy repositioned not to look at his friend, but out at the ocean. The cat, obviously unsatisfied with Riku's sudden disinterest, leaped up onto the boy's lap. Riku's hand found the creature's head, and he stroked it absentmindedly as he spoke.

"What about him?" His tone was somber, soft and weak.

"I wanted to know more about him. Like...what it was like working with him? You called him a mentor once at school. What all did he teach you? I know you learned stuff about computers, but what else? And I want to know why he did what he did to me...to Roxas."

Sora could literally feel the remorse emanating from Riku. For a nanosecond, Sora wondered why that might be. However, the answer came to him quickly, and he immediately regret asking about Ansem.

Ansem the Wise was dead, and Riku was grieving. There had not been much time for the sudden death of the man known as DiZ to sink in when it had happened. Directly following Ansem's demise, Riku and Sora were thrown into battle with Xemnas. And when the leader of the Nobodies had been defeated, the two boys began their eventful journey back to island life. Ansem's death had been pushed to the side so they could focus on all of the confusion that came along with having returned to the islands. It had now been two months since their homecoming, and Sora imagined that Riku had yet to have the proper time to grieve his dead mentor.

"DiZ was..." Riku started, seemingly unsure of how to describe the man. But then he gave a mirthful snort, and he smirked as he continued. "DiZ was something else, Sora. I am who I am today mostly because of him. We had some serious disagreements toward the end, but despite that I owe him a lot."

This statement made Sora's eyebrows furrow. He had not know Ansem had had that big of an influence on Riku...that he had been _that_ important to him. The keyblade wielder could sense that a long explanation was about to ensue, so Sora shifted in his chair to become slightly more comfortable in the hard, woven seat.

"When I met him in Castle Oblivion, I was so _lost_, Sora. I didn't know what to do. I was afraid of the Darkness but I needed it's strength. DiZ helped me understand the Darkness, helped me conquer it and use it for good. Because of him, I was able to understand that sometimes you've got to do underhanded things in order to get things done, and that isn't always a _bad_ thing. Because of the Darkness, I was stronger, and I was able to help and protect you. If it wasn't for my Darkness, I'd have never defeated Roxas, and you'd still be asleep in that pod."

"And it didn't end there. After Castle Oblivion, I knew I wanted to be in the Dark but play for the Light team, you know? But I didn't know _how_ to do that. Yeah, so I had resolved my inner turmoil with the Dark, but what good did that do me with no goal? Well, I _did_ have a goal; help you. But I didn't know how to go about achieving that goal. I realized that I didn't have all the answers. I was what, 16 years old, 16 and a half maybe? When we were kids, we used to think adults were clueless. But I realized then that _I_ was the one who didn't know anything. DiZ was 'Ansem the _Wise_.' He had been able to escape the Realm of Nothingness by using the Darkness, and he wasn't a complete monster because of it. He knew how to use the Dark for good, and I wanted to learn how, too."

"_He_ wanted to restore your memories so you could wake up and defeat Xemnas. DiZ needed you to fix his mistakes, because he couldn't anymore. DiZ may have control over Darkness, but hes a _scientist_, not a fighter. He needed a young, strong keyblade wielder to go track down Roxas, and the the only other option besides me was Kairi. But I was _not_ going to let her be thrown back into danger when she was finally safe at home."

"So DiZ and I made a deal. He let me live with him in the mansion, he helped me control my Darkness, he provided me with necessities like food, he taught me about computers, just generally took care of me...and in return, I caught Roxas for him and did whatever else he needed to be done so that you could come back and finish what he started. I definitely think I got more out of it than he did, honestly. I got to stick close by you, help bring you back, help protect you..."

"You even protected Roxas, right?" Sora chimed in quietly. The statement seemed to take Riku aback. But you could _hear_ the smile in Riku's voice as he continued.

"Yeah, well, I just had to keep reminding myself that Roxas was really just a part of you. One half of the whole. Even if he was a Nobody, he was _your_ Nobody, and so I did what I would have done for you...because it _was_ you. Just...a different body and a totally different attitude."

"I just don't understand why he had to create that whole virtual Twilight Town and have Namine make me a whole new set of memories," Sora growled. "I mean, that was cruel. Roxas' life there was a lie, and that...that really must have hurt when he—_I_ found out. Especially when he saw the real Hayner, Pence and Olette. They had no idea who I was. That was...that was the worst feeling. I realized something was wrong since I was crying and I didn't know why I felt so bad, but Roxas must have been devastated. Why did DiZ have to do that to him, to _me_?"

"He didn't mean to, trust me," Riku said. Sora internally scoffed. Of course Riku would come to DiZ's defense. Whatever he had to say had better be good, Sora thought venomously, if Riku was taking DiZ's side over his.

"Well, DiZ primarily put you in the digital Twilight Town to hide you from the Organization, but he could have just encrypted you as data and had you sit on a hard drive, unconscious. But DiZ's theory that was that it was better for overall health to keep the brain entertained than have it just sit there. I mean, he was a professor of the Heart, not the brain, so he might have been wrong but it seemed like a good idea to make it so your brain wasn't just sitting there unoccupied. You don't remember this, but he created a virtual Destiny Islands for you to 'live' in while you slept in the pod, too. When we realized that Namine couldn't finish putting your memories back together until we had Roxas, DiZ put you in a digital Destiny Islands until we could find your Nobody."

"How come I don't remember that?" Sora said, bemused.

"DiZ wiped it when we got Roxas and started the Restoration Program; Naminé & the computer working together to fix your memories. After he wiped it, you just sort of slept without dreaming. A coma, basically, but only for a few days. He was going to wipe Roxas' memories of his life in Twilight Town, too, but Naminé started tampering with the system and things got a little crazy. DiZ never had the chance to wipe Roxas' memories, and a part of me thinks he assumed they would disappear anyway since Roxas was '_just a Nobody_'. He didn't think too highly of them, you know... And well, DiZ is gone, and I never learned how to operate the wipe program..." Riku trailed off. "Plus, the virtal Destiny Islands was an entirely different type of program, since you were still in the physical world and Roxas was encoded into pure data. The islands you thought you were in while you were in the pod were just virtual, while Twilight Town was completely digital—"

"Okay, _stop_," Sora cut Riku off. "I don't even understand half of what you're saying. You like, speak another language when you talk about computers, man. What the hell is a 'hard drive'?"

"...Never mind. Just trust me, it makes sense, and it was all necessary. DiZ didn't mean to leave you with the memories of your virtual life. You heard what he said before he died. '_Roxas, I doubt you can hear me, but...I am sorry._' I knew DiZ, and trust me when I say that he really meant that. He never says things he doesn't mean."

And with that, Sora let some of his animosity toward Ansem dissipate. He knew a part of him would always resent the scientist for manipulating him so much...for using him. But Riku had helped him understand _why_ he had done it, and Sora had to admit that it made sense. It was for the greater good, right? So what if it had left Sora angry and confused; the universe was now safe. Sora's angst, he supposed, was a very small price to pay.

"But why a digital Twilight Town? If he made a digital Destiny Islands, how come he didn't just stick Roxas in there, too? Why bother creating a whole other digital world? That would have been a lot of work, right?"

Riku had explained to Sora how DiZ had taken all of the memories from the sleeping Sora in the pod, and had Namine twist them to create a new childhood for him as Roxas in Twilight Town. That coastal tourist destination was so similar to the Destiny Islands that it would be much easier for Namine to just tweak his existing memories, rather than creating a whole new scenario to implant into Roxas' consciousness. Riku frowned while he explained DiZ's reasoning for creating a digital Twilight Town and tweaking all of the memories to fit with that world, rather than using the digital Destiny Islands for Roxas like Sora asked.

The old man didn't want Roxas to realize prematurely that he was, in fact, half of Sora. Putting him in a virtual Destiny Islands could have triggered a abrupt end to Roxas' apparent amnesia. That possibility was a far stretch, considering half of Sora's memories still resided within the boy sleeping in the pod. It was highly unlikely that Roxas would regain those memories without the aid of the Namine and computer's Restoration Program. But DiZ was not a risk taker. No matter how slim the chance, the professor of Hearts certainly did not want Roxas to suddenly regain Sora's memories all at once before it was time. If that were to happen, DiZ feared Roxas would have been too scared to loose himself by merging with Sora.

Sora had not told Riku yet, but he was beginning to remember snippets of Roxas' life—well, _his_ life, just the one he lived as his Nobody. One of the first memories of Roxas' that came to Sora while he slept was the memory of Roxas merging with Sora. Now that Sora could remember having been Roxas, he understood why DiZ handled Roxas the way he did and knew that he had been right. As Roxas, he had been absolutely terrified to rejoin with the rest of his self, despite the fact that he had left the Organization to meet his Other. The boy in the pod had been there first. Sora was the Somebody, so did that mean he would cease to exist once they merged? Would the Somebody erase all traces of the Nobody? He decided to trust Sora—trust _himself—_and merge. What else could he do?

"So...so what was living with him like?" Sora asked, deciding to take the conversation in a new direction. "You really lived in that old mansion?"

"Haha, yeah, I did," Riku laughed, visibly brightening with the topic change. "It was kind of weird, you know? I go from living at Maleficent's enormous castle in a kingdom to an old, rundown mansion on the outskirts of quaint little Twilight Town. But I mean, I didn't really _live_ at Maleficent's...It was more like a place to sleep when I wasn't, y'know, out wreaking havoc or tormenting you. The mansion, though, _that_ was home. Since I could use Corridors to Darkness, it was really easy to just go back there to sleep or eat, get orders from DiZ, take a break and recuperate, whatever. Sometimes I would go into town to get food for me and DiZ or just to relax... I mean, I even had stuff in my room at the mansion. People are always saying '_home is where the heart is_', but my heart was with you, and you were asleep...so I started to just think that '_home is where all of your crap is_'."

"You had stuff?" Sora questioned, his voice hinting at hurt jealousy. Sora had not really had personal possessions since he started his 5 year long adventure. He, Donald and Goofy only kept what was necessary or useful in their quest. Sure, during their travels Sora had amassed a small collection of random trinkets, but they were normally rather inconsequential things, like gifts from people they met or little souvenirs from exotic words. He kept them safely stowed away in a small compartment underneath his bunk in the Gummi Ship's cabin.

Going by Riku's crude definition of a 'home', Sora supposed the Gummi Ship had been he and his Disney companions' home. When they arrived on a world, they would park the Gummi Ship in a discrete location so that the locals would not find it. Because of this, the ship was normally a great distance from wherever the trio was actually exploring. If they wasted time going back to the ship to eat and sleep, they would never get anything accomplished in a world. So the boy, duck, and dog typically found other sleeping arrangements. Sometimes they were lucky; they would be exploring an urban area with hotels and inns to sleep at, or they would meet a friendly local who would offer them a bed for the night. Other times, they were not so fortunate. In places like Deep Jungle or the Pride Lands, which had little or no man-made shelter, the trio would simply have to set up camp wherever they could. 'Camp' normally consisted of a small fire, either sparse provisions or foraged food, and three thin blankets to curl up on. Donald had magically expanded the amount of space in all of their pockets, much like Merlin's small bag in which he packed his entire home's contents. But no matter how good at fighting magic Donald was, he was nowhere near as skilled at practical magic like Merlin. The trio's pockets could only hold so much, and that space was more often than not taken up by ethers, potions, and other necessary equipment.

Sora had been an outdoorsy kind of kid, but he was not prepared for this new type of minimalistic lifestyle. Deep Jungle was one of the first worlds they had visited, and they were there for several weeks. Those few weeks had been completely miserable for Sora. He had gone from running around his tame island home to endlessly trekking through some of the harshest jungle in the universe. He had not been ready for this, but his friends had helped him get through it. Despite the fact that Donald and Goofy were so humanoid, they _were_ still fundamentally animals. They were not easily phased by the wilderness, and Sora quickly learned to keep up with them. They did not often complain about having to sleep outside. In fact, Sora had the suspicion that Goofy actually preferred the outdoors to their bunks in the Gummi Ship.

Living with them had toughened Sora up considerably, and he supposed now that he was rather thankful for it. He knew how to survive off of almost nothing, he now viewed comfort as a luxury rather than a necessity, and he could navigate through worlds like a pro. He was not a whiner, and most of all, he was ridiculously optimistic. Sora had always been a naturally positive person, but being tossed into this hectic and uncertain lifestyle had taught the young boy how to amplify that positivity and use it to keep on moving forward. He did not let things keep him down because he was constantly looking on the bright side. This had been key in his survival, and quit honestly, helped him stay sane.

But right now, Sora was not feeling so optimistic. He knew it was stupid, but he was jealous of Riku. His older friend had a stable, _non-mobile_ place to return to and call home. And what did 'stuff' mean? Did he have more than a few days worth of clothes? Did he have things like a few posters on the wall? Did he have a collection of movies and books to keep him entertained? Maybe even video games? No, surely Riku had not been playing video games while Sora was out killing Heartless and Nobodies until he was so sore he could hardly walk. No, that would be absurd...right?

As if he could read Riku's mind, Sora's friend spoke to debunk his theories.

"I mean, don't be too jealous, Sora. Yeah, I did have a lot of free time, but that was pretty much only during that year you were asleep. Most of the time I was doing stuff for DiZ or learning about computers from him which _really_ wasn't all that fun. I respect DiZ, but he was a hard-ass who had a hard time understanding that not everyone was as smart as him, especially a teenager who had already missed out on 2 years of school. He was a really strict mentor."

"But..but I'm not going to lie to you, Sora. I definitely had it a lot easier than you. I really feel guilty about it...it wasn't fair to you."

Sora wanted to respond. He wanted to grin his signature grin and tell Riku it was alright. He wanted to laugh and let Riku know he did not mind, that he understood and accepted that sometimes like just was not fair. Sora wanted to be able to tell Riku to not feel guilty about it.

But Sora couldn't. The words would not formulate in his mouth, and he knew why. He could not articulate those sentiments because they simply were not true. It was not alright, and he did mind. As much as he knew he should, as rational as it should have been, Sora just could not accept this unfairness. Riku did not need to feel guilty, but some small, dark part of Sora was glad his friend felt that way. The past five years were ones he should have spent being a normal teenager. He should have been hanging out, going to school, eating his mother's cooking. Instead, he was fighting for his life and eating whatever he, Donald and Goofy were able to scrounge up. Those were years he would never get back, and as wrong as he knew it was, Sora was glad somebody else besides himself felt bad about it.

After a lengthy stretch of heavy silence, Riku stood up from his chair. The cat in his lap was forced back onto the floor of the porch, and it meowed angrily at Riku as he limped away and into the house. He came back moments later with a bowl of popcorn, which he placed right next to the textbooks on the table. Neither boy spoke as they returned to their schoolwork and ate the crunchy white snack-food.

* * *

Riku had not apologized that day, because it would have been pointless, and Sora did not tell him was okay, because it was not. The feelings had been left unresolved that day. They still were, and they probably always would be. Sora did not hate Riku for it, though. Far from it. He loved Riku, and hurt feelings were not going to change that.

Laying there on the beach and reminiscing about this unsettled resentment issue, Sora recognized the fact that there were many bitter feelings he could not bring himself to let go of. The past few years had taken so much from him, and he had gotten little in return. While he had the satisfaction of knowing the universe was safe thanks to his struggle and sacrifice, that knowledge did little to pacify his now embittered soul.

* * *

Please review; let me know if this story is worth continuing or not!


	4. Medication & Dedication

_**Shell Shocked, **_**Chapter 3**

"**Medication & Dedication"**

**Sorry this is taking so long. I'm having a busy summer. Studying abroad.**

**I'm also taking my time because as much as I like to pride myself on being a hardcore KH fan, I don't exactly know everything and I wanted to make this fic as close to canon as possible, barring the time frame and a few other personal additions & tweaks. Like for instance, I just finished playing Birth by Sleep in Japanese and learned that Sora does in fact have a father, so I'm going to have to go back to chapter 2 and kill him later on in Sora's life rather than when he was still a baby. I don't want to write a bunch of chapters and have to go back and fix things like that.**

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Sora and Riku had finally left the play island after their fight, and after tying up their small rowboat at the docks of the island their houses were on, they walked together up the sandy path toward the street where they both lived. The moon was just enough to illuminate the way, since most of the islanders were already fast asleep and their house lights turned off. Sora glanced down at his watch to discover that is was nearly one AM.

"Hnn, stupid watch," he muttered. In reality, Sora could care less what time it was. However, over the past few months he had developed an annoying habit of glancing at it every so often. The watch had been a gift from his mother, given to him shortly after his awkward return home.

Time, and the keeping of it, had never before been a concern in Sora's life. Before he departed from this fateful island, he had been nothing but a child, and children are hardly conscious of time. Even after he had begun his journey, the young islander never had time for knowing the time. When killing Heartless, does it matter if it's 11 o'clock versus 4 o'clock? If he had been fighting an Organization XIII member past 10 p.m., they would not have stopped just because it was past Sora's bedtime. He, Donald, Goofy and Jiminy ate when they were hungry, or when they had a rare, Heartless free moment grab a bite. Speed had mattered while fighting some opponents, but the actual numerical time? No, that had never been a priority.

But the a.m. and p.m. plagued Sora constantly here on Destiny Islands. He had responsibilities now. That's not to say he hadn't before; killing Heartless, defeating Nobodies, and generally saving the worlds had been quite the job. But now...now Sora had more domestic responsibilities. Keeping his mother happy and getting to school on time, for example, were a top priorities these days.

Sora's train of thought was violently derailed by the sudden absence of his friend beside him. Sora sensed the lack of a person next to him before Riku's voice even registered in his brain.

"Holy fuck!" Riku gasped, accompanied by the sound of shoes dragging on the dirt path. Sora spun to the side to find Riku now holding himself up by desperately grasping a wobbly fence post. A sharp breath was taken in through gritted teeth as he attempted to right himself, but his efforts were pitifully futile. With a tight lipped frown he grunted, looking feeble and pale as he clung to the fence.

"Riku, lemme help you," Sora said quickly and quietly as he clutched Riku's bicep to help him up. "It's late, nobody'll see."

"Doesn't matter," Riku panted. "Let 'em see how pathetic-" his sentence was cut off by another harsh grunt of pain as Sora hoisted his larger friend up and wrapped Riku's arm around his shoulder. In a position that would have made an awkward walk for most anyone else, the two hobbled down the path together as if it were a well practiced maneuver. Each knew how to work in tandem to make this journey simpler, and not much later, they were on the street they both lived on.

"Not mine," Riku grunted, nodding toward his house, and Sora understood. Riku would not want to go home and have his parents wake up to find him in this state. Sora had seen the way they acted around their son these days. Because of his leg, he was something fragile and weak, but on the other hand, he was frightening and intimidating due to his Darkness. Whenever Sora was with Riku and his parents around, the tense awkwardness in the air was so heavy and thick he could have cut it with a dull knife.

Sora complied with Riku's request and headed toward his own home instead. Sora's mother slept like a dead person in a soundproof room in a concrete building with no windows. When they were kids and Riku would sleep over, the two would sit in the living room late at night after Sora's mother had sent them to bed, and watch action movies with the volume up. If machine guns and cars exploding in the living room would not wake her, Sora doubted Riku groaning would do much to stir his mother.

After a tight squeeze through the front door, Sora led Riku to the living room where he deposited the huffing teenager onto the couch. He hauled the puffy ottoman closer, and Riku grunted and groaned as he gingerly lifted his leg to rest on it.

"Where are your pain killers?"

"I don't want any."

"Riku, I need you to take one. I can't sit here and watch you hurt like that. Where are they?" Sora demanded.

How could Riku refuse him, especially when he phrased it like that? If Sora did not want to see him in pain, then dammit, he would stop being in pain. Normally, he would have just acted his way through this, but it was rather hard for him to pretend that his leg did not feel like it was simultaneously on fire and having nails hammered into it. This was by far the worst it had ever felt, even more so than the original injury.

"...top left desk drawer."

Sora came back several minuets later with a two pills and a glass of water. He was breathing heavily through his nose, which Riku assumed was because Sora had run all the way to and from Riku's parents' house. It made Riku smile in amusement and appreciation that Sora was that concerned for him, but that smile morphed into a dissatisfied frown has two small pills in Sora's palm were thrust in his direction.

"Two? Sora-"

"Take them. I can't stand this, Riku. Take 'em for me."

It wasn't the first time Riku gave into something for Sora. He had accepted the Darkness for Sora, so what were two tiny pills in comparison?

"It's okay to want them," Sora mumbled. "You're hurting, so its okay."

"No, its not okay. This is what I get, Sora."

"What?" Sora said, completely confused. "What you get for what?"

"For betraying you. For causing so much trouble. For giving into the Dark for the wrong reasons. For everything."

"Riku...I don't..._blame_ you."

"But _I _blame me! You're too nice, Sora! People who do bad things need to pay the price! That's why they invented prison, the judicial system, why kids get sent to time out, why people get parking tickets! I did horrible shit, and what goes around comes around, right? Well it took a few years but its finally come back around. This is how Karma paid me back. You can't tell me that you don't agree, Sora! You've taken down enough bad guys to know how justice works. This?" Riku gestured to his leg, now propped up on the ottoman, "this is justice."

"No, this is just sad."

"So you think I'm sad? Some pathetic cripple who can hardly walk straight?" Riku knew that was not true, but the words just continued to slip past his lips without consent from his brain. He was just so angry that Sora did not see it like he did. Hurt at the accusation was clearly displayed on Sora's face, but it was promptly replaced by sorrow.

"I think its sad that you're so convinced you deserve it. You made up for all that stuff already! You helped me take down Xemnas! Without you, I'd have never been able to do anything."

"That's not true, Sora."

"Yes it is! I didn't know it at first but you were always helping me! You helped me close the doors to Kingdom Hearts, you helped me regain my memories, you helped me as Roxas, you helped me after I woke up, you helped me save the universe. Riku, you don't deserve to be in pain every day of your life! This isn't some sort of cosmic judgment, its just...just an unfortunate battle wound! It makes me so angry that you're so willing to accept it as some sort of _punishment_!"

"If I don't..." He paused and sighed in exasperation. Riku really did not want to say what he was about to, but Sora always seemed to suck the truth right out of him. "If I don't look at it that way, then I _will_ be just a bitter cripple. If there isn't a _reason _why I'm like this now, then I'll just be angry about it for the rest of my life."

The words froze Sora like a deer in headlights. Riku watched as his friend's face drained of color and was washed in what Riku thought was...fear? Why did Sora look so absolutely terrified? Riku watched Sora's Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallowed, then attempted to formulate words. What eventually came out was not was Riku was expecting.

"This is so wrong," Sora said, his voice sounding scared and confused. "This is so fucking wrong."

"Sora, what are you talking about?" Riku questioned slowly. The pills were beginning to take affect. His leg was already beginning to stop burning, and the piercing feeling was dulling into a prickling sensation. He felt...heavy. Slow. Good.

"This, you, everything," Sora shook his head, then looked desperately out the living room window. "They're all wrong."

"Who is wrong?"

"The islanders! They're all wrong! You're not the bad guy, you're not scary. You're the hero, Riku! You're the good guy who saved the day. It wasn't me, it was **US**! You helped shut the door from the other side. You always helped, ever since then. I was never alone, you were _always_ there. You shouldn't have to feel like you're being punished. You're the hero, too! Why don't they understand that? Why don't **YOU** understand that?"

"I duno Sora...I guess they're all just afraid of the dark. They don't know good things can come from it, too."

"And what about you?" Sora demanded. "I know you're not scared."

"Because, Sora! I see it in the way they look at me, like I'm still the villain. They look at me and see the bad guy, the scary guy with a limp and hair that hides his eyes. I want to be a hero, too, but its impossible to see yourself that way when nobody else does!"

"I do," Sora said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. It was the sort of tone somebody would use while saying something like 'well the ocean's blue, ain't it?'

"I know you do."

"Why isn't that enough, then?" Sora groaned.

"I don't know, Sora. I don't know everything..."

"I remember when I used to think you did," Sora said, plopping down on the couch beside Riku. His elbows rested on his knees as he held his forehead in his hands. "It was easier when you knew everything."

"I just had you under the illusion that I did," Riku said, attempting humor. Sora's outbursts never lasted all that long, and he seemed to be calming down now. "I mean, c'mon Sora. I was the one who thought that shitty little raft was going to take us to other worlds. Good thing the Islands dissolved when they did, otherwise we should have sailed off in that thing and probably died a horrible death of exposure on the open sea."

"We _were_ a couple of little idiots, huh?"

"You and Kairi are the bigger idiots for believing and following me so easily. Scary thought that we were the ones who ended up saving the worlds. I mean, we were gonna eat mushrooms and raw fish on that thing."

"There!" Sora exclaimed as he sat upright an looked at Riku with a grin on his face. "You said it! _We_ saved the worlds. Plural."

"Alright, fine you goof," Riku conceded. "I played an instrumental role in saving the universe, and you would have failed miserably without my help . Happy?"

"Yes," Sora smirked. "Yes I am. And I am also tired."

Sora slumped sideways and curled up on the couch. It could easily seat four people, and Sora took up three cushions while Riku sat up with his foot still on the ottoman. After just a few moments, Riku could hear deep breathing that was the tell tale sign that his friend had drifted off to sleep. Riku wished he could as well, but even with having taken the pills, his damaged leg was still just too painful to ignore long enough to fall asleep yet. Hopefully,, they would start working better soon.

Staring down at his unfortunate leg, Riku mused at how familiar a view this had become over the past few months. Mickey had not been able to heal it that first day they had returned to the Islands, and soon after settling back into his parents' house, Riku had gone to the island hospital to have it checked out. Riku grit his teeth as the memory of that day came rushing back, completely unwelcome but entirely unstoppable.

* * *

June 16th.

An innocent looking date, Riku thought as he stared at the small tear-away-the-day calendar sitting on the doctor's desk. It was one of those calendars that had a funny, one panel comic on each day. Today's comic featured a flock of cartoon sheep having a party, while a dog stands in the open doorway. One sheep is saying to another "Henry! Our party's total chaos! No one knows when to eat, where to stand, what to...Oh thank God! Here comes a border collie!"

Riku wanted to pick the calendar up and flip through the remaining 6 months, read every funny comic, and laugh at every silly punchline. He just wanted to be happy, to smile, to think of nothing but disorganized sheep parties or whatever nonsense was contained within the pages of the days to come.

"Are you absolutely sure there isn't anything you can do..?"

"I'm sorry Riku, but I'm a doctor, not a magician. I can only treat things that I can see with my eyes or with a test or an X-ray, and none of those options have shown anything physically wrong with your leg. If its Dark magic or the forces of evil or what have you that injured your leg, there's nothing I can do about it. All I can do is give you pain medication to see if that helps."

"I don't...I don't think medication is a good idea."

"The occasional pain killer won't hurt you, Riku."

"I really don't think its a good idea," Riku mumbled in the general direction of his knees. "I just...don't have the self control for stuff like that. I won't be responsible with something like medication. Don't give me the opportunity to screw myself over." _Again_.

At this, the doctor's right eyebrow piqued with what Riku gauged as a mixture of concern and curiosity. "Are you saying you have a history with substance abuse, Riku?"

"No, nothing like that," Riku hurried to say. Lord, did he feel like a freak show. How do you explain to somebody like a doctor who simply _oozed_ Light and goodness an addiction to Darkness? But he had to unless he wanted people to start thinking he was once a drug addict. "I know people here don't know much about magic, but using magic is like...well, like nothing else. When you use magic, you just feel _different._ When you cast Cure on somebody, your lungs sort of prickle and your stomach feels really empty. Using ice always makes you feel tired for a split second like you're going to fall asleep, but then you're fine in an instant. Shooting lightening out of your hand is this insane rush that just courses through your whole body like your blood is electrified, and making fire appear in front of you out of thin air makes your heart beat so fast you think your ribcage is gonna break." Riku was speaking rapidly, now sitting up and gesturing to his chest and desperate to convey to the doctor this completely foreign sensation. Where before the teenager had avoided eye contact with the older man, Riku's aquamarine eyes now bore into the doctor's brown in hopes that he would comprehend what he was he was trying to get across.

But as Riku paused, his shoulders slumped slightly. His hands curled up has his fingers rubbed together, as if he were attempting to remember how something he had once touched felt between his fingertips. He looked away from the doctor and down at his hands, examining his now open palms and splayed digits with first sadness that slowly melted into nostalgia.

"And using Dark magic..." Riku breathed as he clenched his fists before him, "is the most amazing thing I've ever felt in my life. It's not like all the other magic; it doesn't have a physical sensation like a fast heartbeat or an empty stomach. Its more mental... just this massive tidal wave of power that consumes you and makes you feel like you could conquer the universe with your bare hands." Riku could hear the immense passion in his own voice as he spoke about the Darkness like a devout believer describes their spiritual awakening, but he was far too engrossed in his narration to care. "And after you do use the first time you wonder how you ever lived without it, how you ever faced every day without something like this backing you up. I was just so in love with that feeling that before I knew it, I was completely hooked on it. I used to think I controlled it, but it controlled me. It ruled my life, and then ruined it. If I hadn't learned to control Dark magic a few years ago, I'd still be one evil son of a bitch who can't kick his Darkness habit, wreaking havoc on innocent worlds just because it felt good to do it."

"But you _did_ learn to control it," the Doctor piped in. Surely the man was feeling uncomfortable at this point, Riku though. He was a doctor, not a psychiatrist and certainly not a magician, and here was Riku divulging emotions and thoughts from his dark past he hadn't even yet confessed to his best friend Sora. If he was uncomfortable, though, the doctor made no indication as he sat patiently and let Riku continue.

"And it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life! I don't want to do that again, sir. I know magic isn't the same as medication but just the thought of feeling different than I normally do—feeling better than I normally do—is just too appealing. I don't want to have to claw my way back to normalcy," Riku paused before repeating; "Don't give me the opportunity to have to."

"The fact that you understand you've had a problem in the past is a great sign, Riku. If you recognize it, then you can work on it. I can't send you out of my office without a prescription and have a clean conscious about it because you're in _pain_, Riku, and you'll become an unhappy person if you don't get the occasional relief from that pain. I'm writing you this prescription because I trust you to not abuse it. You might think you will but I believe you've learned your lesson. And in the unlikely event that you do start to feel dependent on your medication, I believe you are strong enough to realize it and conquer it. I don't know much about magic, Riku. You know that. But what I do know is that you are a powerful young man, with or without magic. I think it'll help if you tell your friend whats going on, if you haven't. You don't have to go through this alone."

* * *

For the first time in four months...no, for the first time in _years_, Riku finally felt like he was not living his life alone. Sure, he hadn't felt alone when Kairi revealed his identity to Sora when Riku still looked like Xehanort's heartless and the two accepted him anyway. But once the trio had returned to the Islands and Riku was looked at like a persona non grata while the other two were welcome heroes, the feeling of loneliness had returned.

Sora was right. What the islanders thought did not matter at all because in their hearts, Sora and Riku knew they were heroes. However, Riku scoffed at the though of how Sora routinely failed to take his own advice.

But being around normal people was just so _difficult_.

If you were the most beautiful person in the world and you had somebody telling you that you were ugly every single day for the rest of your life, eventually you would begin to believe it. It would not matter if you could see yourself in the mirror so long as you constantly had that person convincing you that you were hideous. That was exactly how Riku felt. He knew he was right, he knew he was good, but it was so easy to forget.

Sora's problem, on the other hand, was that he just felt too out of place. Riku felt this way as well, but not nearly to the extent that Sora did. Riku could just see the way Sora walked down the streets of the islands like he was treading on forbidden territory, unwelcome in his own home. He had been an islander once in his life, but not anymore.

If there was anywhere that felt like 'home' anymore, it was Twilight Town. That was where Riku had spent the majority of his time away, and where Sora had lived as Roxas. Unfortunately, Twilight Town was worlds away in the Realm of In Between. Riku missed it, nearly as much as he used to miss the islands. All of the possessions he had accumulated over his time living with DiZ were still there, as well. When he had come home to the islands, he came home to a 15 year old's room full of things from a past life. They were meaningless relics now. He wished that he could at least go back to Twilight Town for just a few moments to gather his things and come back.

As Riku was mulling over options of how to get back to Twilight Town, he stopped abruptly and mentally took a step back to analyze his recent thought process. Why in the name of Light was he so concerned about getting back to Twilight Town, just for a bunch of stuff? Why did material things mean so much to him? Sora had done without them for years, and while Riku knew Sora was jealous that Riku had more things during their journey than he did, Riku understood that it was simply because owning things was normal. Sora had been robbed of nearly all things normal the moment he met Donald and Goofy, so Riku was not surprised at his jealousy.

It took him a while, but Riku eventually remembered what he had told Sora a while back when he had been talking about his life in Twilight Town. "People are always saying '_home is where the heart is_', but my heart was with you, and you were asleep...so I started to just think that '_home is where all of your crap is_'."

Riku was embarrassed by this answer as to why he so desperately wanted his possessions from the mansion. During that span of time, the only friends Riku had were Sora, Kairi and Mickey. Sora was asleep and Kairi was on the Islands living a normal life. Mickey was the only friend Riku ever came into regular contact with, but it was always during missions; they were almost more like comrades than friends...war buddies felt like a fitting term.

Riku now realized he had attempted to fill that void with stuff. He may not have had a lot of friends, but at least he had a lot of things to call his. Even though he was 'home' on the Islands now, Riku was still lacking in the friends department, so in turn he still wanted his things. It made Riku feel lonely to be without all of it. Not only that, but his collection of possessions at the mansion had been things he had either earned from working for DiZ or accumulated from many other worlds. All of that was now gone, sitting in an abandoned mansion a Realm away from where Riku now was.

He wanted it all back. Riku knew it was stupid, but he didn't care. But how to get back to Twilight Town? The boys were stuck on the Islands without a Gummi Ship, and Riku could no longer control Corridors to Darkness. He had not even tried since before the final battle with Xemnas...

Riku's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a door opening down the hallway. Sora's mother appeared in the archway between the hallway and living room, clad in pajamas that consisted of a pair of shorts and a large t-shirt that had a logo of what Riku recognized as the boat tour company Sora's dad used to work for before he died. She was looking at her slumbering son with a satisfied smile before averting her gaze to Riku.

Riku brought a hand to his forehead in a classic saluting position and quietly said "Mission accomplished, ma'am."

"Good work, soldier," Sora's mother grinned and saluted back.

The gesture, as goofy as it was, made Riku's heart feel warmer than it had in a very, very long time.

"Sorry if we woke you up..." Riku said, now suddenly embarrassed. Had she heard their conversation?

"You didn't," she smiled. "Sora did. I heard him raise his voice at your but I figured whatever it was you'd handle it. Looks like I was right," she added as she smirked at her son, completely oblivious in his sleep. "I'm actually gonna go make a snack since I'm up. You want anything?"

"I'm fine," Riku said.

"You sure?" she asked. "You're looking a little pale."

"Leg is acting up a bit. Just took some painkillers so I'll be fine in a bit."

Normally, Riku would never have admitted that his leg hurt to _anyone_ but Sora. However, earlier that morning during Sora and Riku's departure from the house, Riku's relationship with Sora's mother had risen to a completely different level. He had always liked her when he had been a kid; she was a fun mom to be around and an excellent cook. Riku always enjoyed staying over at Sora's because Sora's easygoing, happy mother was a nice change of pace from Riku's serious, strict parents.

But that morning had changed Riku's view of Sora's mother entirely. He finally realized how amazing a woman she was, and he now respected her more than the vast majority of the people he knew. The encounter had been awkward and tearful, but Riku was so thankful that it had happened...not only for Sora and his mother's sake, but for his own as well. Kaia was more than just his best friend's mother now; she was a friend. She was somebody who trusted him, and that was a rarity these days. Riku was in short supply of people who he could actually call true friends, so adding Sora's mother to the somewhat pathetically brief list had been a fairly big boost to his self-esteem and positive attitude toward life in general.

Still, it had been awkward and embarrassing, and Riku couldn't help but roll his eyes at himself as he recalled talking to Sora's mom earlier that morning.

* * *

Sora had thrown on some clothes quickly and slipped on a pair of sandals as the pair of teenagers exited Sora's chilly, converted attic bedroom. On the way down the steps, Riku heard his friend stop halfway down. From the foot of the staircase, Riku looked back at Sora with a hand against the wall as if steadying himself. He looked extremely apprehensive about descending the rest of the staircase, and Riku understood why; Sora's mother was down there. Sora was definitely not ready to face his mother yet, so Riku made a motion with his hand for Sora to stay while he dealt with the woman of the house.

"Kaia?" Riku called Sora's mother's name softly as he came down the short hallway and into the kitchen. He found her fidgeting with a pile of mail on the counter top, shuffling it as if she were sorting it but not really accomplishing anything. "I don't think Sora is up for going to school today. I think it would be a good idea for him to spend the day outside...hes not really used to being cooped up this much."

"Yeah...yeah, good idea Riku. Thank you. You know him better."

As soon as the words left her mouth, her lips pursed and fresh tears welled up in her eyes. Not knowing what to do, Riku stood awkwardly on the other side of the counter, leaning to one side on his good leg. Kaia brought a hand to her forehead, still grasping an envelope containing the electric bill, and let out a strained, week and bitter laugh.

"How awful is that, huh?" She said, eyes covered by the envelope and smiling sadly at Riku, who was still standing dumbstruck. "I'm his mother but his best friend can take care of him better than I can."

"Kaia," Riku managed to find his voice and attempted to comfort his best friend's mom. Comfort was not something Riku did normally for anyone but Sora, but he supposed Sora's mother was close enough. "It's not your fault. Hes been away."

"Yeah, hes been away and now I don't know who he is anymore," Kaia huffed, tossing the envelope back down on the stack of mail as furiously as one can manage to toss something as light as a letter. "I look at him and still see the kid I used to send off to 8th grade with peanut butter & jelly sandwich in a paper bag. But that's not who he is now, and I don't know how to help him. He's told me the some of stuff you two went through, and I can tell it bothers him still, but I don't know how to help him let go of all that!"

Kaia turned her back to Riku, placed her hands on the edge of the sink, and bowed her head in a defeated gesture as she let out a heavy, frustrated sigh.

Yes, Riku had been wishing when he walked into the house that he could help Kaia, but now that the opportunity was presenting itself...Riku was at a loss. He would much rather take on a whole pack of rabid Heartless than have to handle this strange and uncomfortable situation.

But as Riku watched Kaia's tense shoulders begin to ease, he realized how much she needed to vent to somebody about this. Sora's father was dead, and Kaia probably felt this was something too personal to talk to about with her friends. No mother wanted to admit to other mothers that she did not know how to handle or help her own son. Riku was the only person who would understand her situation, as he was the only other person on the Islands who really knew what had happened during the boys' absence.

Before Riku even knew what he was doing, his feet took him across the kitchen and to Kaia's side near the sink. He could not stop his hand from finding its way to Kaia's shoulder, nor could he look away from her eyes when her head raised to look at him. This gesture may have been bordering on the inappropriate, but Riku's body had acted of its own volition. His mouth quickly followed suit as he spoke.

"Sora is the strongest person I know," Riku told her. "And he's strong because of you."

Kaia's head whipped away from Riku as she huffed out a sad laugh. "Don't patronize me, Riku. You've never been like that."

"I'm not just saying that," Riku said as he applied pressure to Kaia's shoulder, gently turning her back toward him.

"I remember that when we were kids and Tidus or Selphie or the other kids would talk about something great that their dad did for them like build them a swing set or whatever, Sora never stayed quiet just because he didn't have a dad. He'd talk about you and how awesome you were and all the great stuff you did for him. Like how you would take him to the mainland every year to go camping or how you built that ship with him that he still has up in his room. You did a two person job bringing him up, Kaia, and did things a dad should have been there to do...and I think he realized early on that you needed help."

Riku took his hand off of Kaia's shoulder and leaned back on the kitchen counter with his hands casually grasping the sides behind him. He laughed nostalgically as he went on.

"I remember I used to get so mad when he would go home early from playing with the rest of us because he wanted to help you with something. I mean, when we were all goofing off on the island, he was back here helping you cook dinner or fix the fence or change the light bulbs. I just never got it why he was so eager to get home to do_ work_."

"But while we were gone out on other worlds, I saw him do the same sort of stuff for complete strangers. He didn't know I was watching him most of the time, but I'd see him land on some new world, and the first people he would meet would come to him with a problem. And what did Sora always do? Jump right in to help them out. He made a lot of friends that way...and its friends that make us stronger. 'My friends are my power'...I remember when I heard him say that right before he took down the guy who wanted to turn everything to Darkness. Without you, Kaia, Sora would have never learned to help people. He would have never made all those friends, and without his friends he would have never won. You're the reason he's can be strong in the first place."

Riku's worries about potentially having crossed a line earlier were quickly subdued by a massive bear hug from Kaia. She was a short woman so that her forehead rested on Riku's shoulder, which he could feel was now getting damp from Kaia's tears. Her arms were steadfastly wrapped around Riku's back, and her fingers clung to the fabric of his shirt.

Riku had been a lot of things throughout his life. He had been a villain and a hero. He had been the Champion of Dawn and the Key of Destiny's best friend. He had been Malecifent's tool and Ansem the Wise's apprentice. He had been a foe and a friend, an adversary and a helping hand.

One thing Riku had never been, however, was a hugger.

But as awkward as this was for the teenager, it was oddly _nice_. Riku could just _feel_ the gratitude and relief radiating from Sora's mother. It felt good to make somebody else feel relieved and secure. Riku was starting to think he was better at this whole 'comforting people' thing than he previously assumed.

As Kaia continued to hold tight to Riku like a koala bear to a tree, Riku felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. He could feel that somebody was looking at him, so he turned his head to the side. Sora was standing in the kitchen doorway, a look of hurt and confusion plastered to his face. Riku's cheeks reddened as he realized how incredibly awkward this was for Sora to be seeing, but he would explain in a moment. He motioned with his head toward the the window and mouthed with his lips 'outside', to which Sora nodded and took this opportunity to sneak past his mother, down the hallway, and out the front door.

"I hope the rest of all these friends Sora made are as great as you," Kaia mumbled into Riku's shoulder.

"Kaia, I am probably the _worst_ of Sora's friends," Riku chuckled. "The rest are saints in comparison, so you have nothing to worry about."

"Oh shut up," Kaia said as she pulled back, keeping her hands on the sides of Riku's upper arms, and looked up into Riku's face. "You're an amazing young man, Riku. I'm thankful my son has a friend like you. He always talks so highly of you, y'know...says you're the reason he's still alive."

Riku made to protest, but Kaia cut him off as she added with a smirk; "And don't say it isn't true mister, 'cause I know my son's not a liar. You just don't give yourself enough credit. You're so dedicated to him...and I appreciate it more than you could imagine." She pat him on his arm like a father would to a son who had done good, and Riku could not help but laugh. Kaia really had taken on fatherly characteristics after Sora's dad had died.

"Stop worrying about me now...go take care of my son, alright? It's your assignment for the day."

"Yes ma'am," Riku mock saluted. He left Kaia in the kitchen and made his way outside where he found Sora waiting anxiously on the front step.

"What was _that_?" he demanded.

"Dude, I swear, _she_ hugged _me_. She was so upset and I didn't know what to do and all this stuff just sorta came out without me thinking, and then she hugged me outta _nowhere_." _Shit shit shit_, Riku thought. Was Sora really that mad? Riku supposed he had the right to be. He knew Sora was angry at himself for upsetting his mother that morning when he accidentally took a swing at her with his Keyblade, and Riku thought it was safe to assume that he was also pissed that he was not ready to try and comfort her. Riku could see Sora's logic working out that it was not right for Riku to come barging in and console his mother—especially not so intimately.

Sora took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and ran his fingers through his hair. As he exhaled, he looked at Riku apologetically.

"Sorry, I know," he said. "I'm sure shes a wreck. She'd hug and cry all over anybody at this point," he added, nodding at the wet spot on Riku's right shoulder. At this, Riku cocked a brow in offense.

"You're not exactly first on most peoples' '_person I would most likely hug_' list, Riku," Sora said in a matter of fact tone with a hint of humor. "In fact, you're probably near the bottom below 'burning cactus' and 'pissed off crocodile'."

"Y'know, a simple 'thanks for making my mom feel better about herself and her son who tried to kill her' would've sufficed." A low blow, but Sora was asking for it. Sora sobered up, but continued to smile.

"Thanks, Riku. Really. I wasn't...ready to deal with her."

"Yeah, well you owe me an awkward situation and a wet shoulder."

"Uh...how about I buy you lunch instead?" Sora asked. "Because that's one debt I really don't think I'll get to repay anytime soon."

"Lunch sounds good," Riku agreed to the terms. "We'll go to the play island later so we can see the sun set while we're there."

* * *

Yes, it had been one hell of an awkward situation and a rather wet shoulder, but Riku was glad it happened. Riku was pulled out of his musings and back to the present. He was sitting on the couch, leg dimly throbbing. Riku had feebly protested against a snack, but Kaia returned with a bagel and cream cheese for Riku and a bowl of cereal for herself. Kaia sat in the armchair beside the couch, and the pair watched infomercials with the volume down low and munched on their late night snacks until Riku's medication finally dulled his senses enough to let him sleep after (in more ways than one) an incredibly exhausting day.

**Linear storytelling is boring. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.**


End file.
